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Friday, November 21, 2008

	Cop demands to bring firearm into nightclub, begins waving a pistol around while yelling "Who you gonna call?" The Aristocats defer to the Ghostbusters	(33)
(Hyde and Hare)	Photoshop occupants for this classic cartoon's background	(105)
	Failout	(426)
	Latest sign of economic gloom: when a want ad seeking 20 witches counts as upbeat employment news	(51)
	Georgia rapper gets 20 years for admitting to a shooting in a song. Vicki Lawrence still at large for double homicide	(120)
(Some Guy)	Birth of two-faced kitten baffles doctors. Yes, there is a pic, and yes, it's rather freaky	(156)
	Computer virus infects three London hospitals, forcing network shutdown. Thank goodness they can rely on doctors' handwriting	(29)
	I'll worship what she's worshipping	(85)
	Artist wants to use waste product from nuclear reactors to build new universes. Really	(48)
	Even the normally-tolerant Dutch are getting sick of smelly hippies visiting their country in search of cheap pot	(86)
(Some Guy)	Veteran fire captain ends his career the same way he began it: with a note from his mom	(39)
	What do you get when you mix alcohol, an assault rifle, a stun gun, a crossbow, a syringe filled with animal tranquilizer, aggravated domestic violence, and the police?	(129)
	Falling asleep at work is dangerous if you work on a construction si-mmmphhmphmmmph	(5)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this Photoshop	(54)
	If you thought the "Bike Hero" take off on Guitar Hero was viral marketing you were right. Here's your cookie	(42)
	Judge rules Christians can worship in a church that was zoned to be a bar even though the structure had a permit for beer, wine and live entertainment but not religious services	(61)
	Bricklayer laying paving stones at archrival's soccer stadium spells out his team's name in dark-colored bricks by the turnstiles - and no one notices for four years (pics)	(53)
	Nanny state banning car plates that may be snapped up by terrorist sympathisers - including O54MA, BU58OMB and HO57AGE	(42)
	Nanny State residents crack a smile at being named one of the happiest nations in the world, even though health and safety police immediately write them up for inappropriate facial gestures	(49)
	Wikipedia describes the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, which details the pain of stinging insects. "Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue"	(139)
(Canadian Press)	Canadians, not used to seeing light in the sky after 5 pm in November, flood RCMP with calls to report meteor shower	(37)
(Some Guy)	It's all about how you point when you shoot	(36)
	National "Kick a Ginger Day" falls in the middle of International "Bullying Awareness Week"	(118)
	Autistic 7-year-old lost over 500 Hot Wheels in a fire. Mattel responds by sending boxes of cars, toys, and t-shirts. Diecast in a fire	(102)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

	Man jailed for sexually abusing a teen moves into the house next door to hers. "Every time I hear the front door it's like, 'Who's there?'"	(81)
(Above the Law)	Attorney General Mukasey collapses during speech	(324)
	Skinny models are a turnoff in advertising, says a scientist who knows absolutely nothing about advertising	(448)
	Half of women subject to urinary infection. Submitter hopes it's the lower half	(101)
	CIA is surprised to find that some people have a problem with indiscriminately shooting down unarmed light aircraft that may or may not be smuggling U.S. missionaries	(78)
	Photoshop this bass player	(81)
	Today's "Economic collapse brought on by atheism" story brought to you by the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal	(296)
(Xen Invaders)	It's a good thing CERN's large hadron collider was shut down until next year... It gave Reddit and Fark's gift of a crowbar and plans to save the world time to arrive. Bonus - real life Gordon Freeman received the gifts	(86)
	Lost cockatiel contacts owners over the phone. Owners reportedly "over the moon" to have him back	(21)
	Since there's nothing like any financial crisis to worry about, a Hawaii congressman plans to resubmit a bill calling the BCS an illegal restraint of trade	(63)
	Scammer made $3 million in illegal eBay sales. Or, after eBay and Paypal fees, $271	(80)
	If you have been leaving cuts of meat in and around Framingham, Massachusetts the police would like to have a word with you	(42)
	Fannie, Freddie Suspend Foreclosures Through Jan. 9	(151)
	Media turns its attention away from the economic crisis to briefly focus on the important stuff: six chip dips to avoid this holiday season	(115)
	Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouse	(65)
	Pirates are asking $25M for captured Saudi Oil tanker or 2 first round draft picks and a player to be named later	(236)
	15 more images you'll think are Photoshopped, but aren't	(110)
	Dow closes to 5-year low. This is unfortunately a repeat from yesterday	(224)
	TV ads depicting fast-food contribute to childhood obesity. Bad parenting still too lazy to take the blame	(153)
	Ransom paid on two of the hijacked ships. Chuck Norris seen cringing	(220)
(Some Guy)	Economic crisis increasingly forcing Canadians to delay retirement, although for Canadians, their retirement plan basically consists of being put on an ice floe and being pushed into the Arctic Ocean by their kids	(87)
	New Fark user survey + update on bad ads. Bonus: for every 1000 people that fill out the survey, Drew will take a shot of bourbon	(1082)
	Companies adopting microblogging to increase productivity and let everyone know that the account manager with the big rack totally has a button undone	(71)
	If the stacks of banknotes you've just stolen start dripping ink and emitting smoke, don't take them back to your house assuming the cops won't follow the trail of dye. Or be like this idiot - your call	(14)
	If the cops are about to arrest you for drunk driving, the last thing you need them to see is your 2-year-old walking around with a pack of Newport cigarettes in hand and one dangling from her mouth	(124)
	Suburban Maryland school officials consider cancelling classes for Inauguration Day	(135)
	Don't build a treehouse in Park City, Utah-Unless it meets the building and proper set back codes. They don't mess around there	(83)
	If you thought bug bombs were dangerous you should probably avoid the Axe effect	(119)
(Missoulian)	Man defends fatally stabbing of his friend with the old "he accidentally walked into my knife" excuse. Five times, apparently	(49)
	UAW to congress: Get a deal done. Taxpayers to UAW: Eat a dick	(817)
	Times are tough, but evidently not so tough New York couldn't spend $21,000 on an antique Turkish rug for the governor's mansion	(84)
	McDonalds pitches health benefits of French fries: They're high in potassium and fiber. Oh, and sweet, sweet sodium	(140)
	'Idiot' husband pretends to name newborn Carter Barack Obama. Oh, and don't forget his sister and brother: Brooke Trout and John Elway. Have fun sleeping on the porch, pal	(119)
	Photoshop this evocative Egyptian	(43)
	Robin Williams and a coke addict in a Geico parody (AND a coke addict?)	(103)
(Some Guy)	"One thing that's always bothered me about Thanksgiving is that it doesn't have nearly enough meat in it"	(81)
	Dog drives car into coffee shop in New York. Your dog wants latte	(28)
	Thanksgiving is a time fraught with awkward family issues, especially when the rest of your clan is planning to spend the day performing an exorcism on you to cure you of your mental illness	(205)
	European legislators considering new laws to prevent the theft of virtual goods. Your 43rd level night-elf thief's days are numbered	(95)
	Old and busted: Horse shoes. New hotness: Horse leg warmers	(53)
	They say cleanliness is next to Godliness, for one reason you probably hadn't thought of	(128)
	In between fart jokes, creator of Family Guy claims that science is "undervalued and degraded"	(285)
	After LaMar started upping his visits to the tanning salon to 5 days a week, his girlfriend Shaniqua became suspicious. "It dawned on me.....hey, we're black, why would he go to a tanning salon anyway?"	(148)
	Supreme Court of Canada to rule on whether fat people should have to pay for two seats on an airplane. Midgets are following the case closely and hoping for half-price travel	(271)
	Paralysed bunny hoppy with her new wheels	(51)
	Four Nordic countries pledge 4.6 billion dollars to Iceland amidst threats of new Bjork video	(72)
	Treasury Department introduces video-game like achievements for consumers to stimulate economy	(73)
	Yugo reaches the end of the line. Serbians, comedians inconsolable	(128)
	People are shocked to learn that inhaling bug bombs is not good for their health	(24)
	NYPD caught on video celebrating Obama's victory with New Yorkers in a manner familiar to protestors and bicyclists	(308)
	When you're a Prime Minister, and your office is surrounded by protesters, and 24 of them are killed or wounded in a grenade attack but they still don't leave, you've got problems	(53)
	Seven-legged spider drawing sells for $10,000 on eBay. Revised eight-legged drawing expected to go for millions	(105)
(Ringo Fire)	Serial toilet and porta potty arsonist captured. Now back to the regularly scheduled war on terrorism	(17)
(Florida Today)	The Melbourne, Florida hooker roundup evidently snared a librarian, judging by the mugshot	(85)
	Spitzer's prostitute says being a hooker is no different than going on a date and "hooking up" with someone you barely know	(261)
	Pakistan to US: "Please to stop the firing of the missiles into our country. Again."	(203)
	Student spider project aboard Endeavor shows that in space, spiders lose all sense of symmetry. Webalarity ensues	(90)
(CATO)	Today, the Wayback Machine takes us to a 1996 Cato Institute report lauding the benefits of privatizing social security and putting every individual's entire retirement in the hands of private fund managers	(400)
(wdfn)	Dems pump brakes, flash high-beams at auto execs	(175)
	File a jobless claim this week? If so, you might've noticed the other 541,999 people waiting in line with you. That's a 16-year high for those of you at home keeping score	(282)
	The Metro asks if the ghost of a dog scored against England, reminds everyone why this paper has to be given away free	(33)
	Flight attendant lands plane after pilot's mental breakdown. I guess he never got over Macho Grande	(236)
	Michigan is afraid that the demise of the big 3 car makers would spell doom for the uh... thriving... tourism. In other news, bwahahahaha	(184)
	Pennsylvania DOT announces plans to repair viaduct, causing potentially long detours for thousands. Residents heard asking "Viaduct? Why a no chicken?"	(52)
	Oregon town's mayor-elect transfixing national attention with a "purple top revealing impressive cleavage, with a tight black miniskirt, flowing red locks" (with hot pic)	(295)
	Drew is helping his buddy Twitch from Z103 in Lex raise donations for kids this xmas. If you're near the Big K on Nicholasville, stop on by and say hi from 8-10am. Bring some toys too. Listen live via the link	(14)
	♫ He's just a Sk8er Boi, no one you would employ, hiding cocaine in his boards. He's looking really pale, 'cause he's going to jail, where he'll learn to swallow swords ♪	(39)
	Paris Hilton: Open for business	(83)
	The Last Boy Scout. The Sun is there	(44)
	Photoshop this bodacious bathing machine	(38)
	Remember guys, "separated" just means she's not in the room with you right now. Woman wants half of lotto prize won by her husband she separated from in 1982	(115)
	Barking mad German cops set new standards in stakeout technology: tree suits	(37)
(Daily Comet)	It's one thing to get upset at a neighbor who complains about your sister's smelly pets. It's entirely another to don a full Nazi WWII uniform, stuff it with ammo, and arm yourself with a 8mm Mauser to settle things	(55)
	Hugh Jackman named "sexist man alive", "best porn name"	(245)
	Glasses? Check...Lawnmower? Check...Bullet catching cellphone? Check. With dented cell phone pic	(69)
	Not news: woman dies after being struck by car. Fark: at three miles per hour	(79)
(PhillyBurbs)	Bad day: You're a police officer charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Incredibly bad day: While searching your house, investigators stumble across your stash of homemade cow sex videos	(169)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 185: "The Inept Farktographer" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme	(226)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

		Coroner's inquest into man who cut off his own head with chainsaw is complete; turns out he died by cutting off his own head with chainsaw	(94)
		Hey Lance, you know who else only had one ball?	(92)