Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Sat July 04, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		If you're on trial for sexual assault, should you get a new trial just because one of the jurors is hitting on your hot sister? (wbbm780.com)	(15)
		Required annual Fourth of July viewing: Muppets performing "Stars and Stripes Forever" (youtube.com)	(10)
(WTVF News Channel 5)		Nashville TV station reporting former NFL quarterback Steve McNair killed in apparent double murder (newschannel5.com)	(158)
		Shine on, you crazy diamond: Texas brewery turns 100 (finance.yahoo.com)	(66)
		Congratulations to a 38 year old man from Indiana, you are the 2,000,000th criminal suspect booked by Cook County, Illinois (wbbm780.com)	(20)
(Some Chick)		Michael Jackson's memorial will be in Los Angeles on Tuesday and of course the Westboro Baptist Church will be there. This should be interesting (laist.com)	(88)
		Marriage: causes crazy in middle age, prevents crazy in old age. Here comes the science (dailymail.co.uk)	(10)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop the Father of the United States (learnnc.org)	(69)
		Bank error in your favor, collect $90,000 (wbbm780.com)	(26)
(The Register Citizen)		In a surprising turn of events, the teenage girl and her friends that beat up that fella for humpin' her mom may have been a setup. In other news, Ric Romero will be reporting on todays incredably blue sky, and wet water (registercitizen.com)	(23)
		"After the pain of childbirth and the need to talk about our feelings, cellulite is the most common curse known to womankind" (theglobeandmail.com)	(48)
		Communism divides East Germans. This is not a repeat from 1961 (spiegel.de)	(46)
		In celebration of July 4th, here's a look at the updated underappreciated art of firecracker labels gallery (i-mockery.com)	(18)
		Remember that guy who ran for president of Iran against Ahmadinejad, and all the people were angry and rioted that he didn't win? Turns out he was a U.S. agent (foxnews.com)	(92)
		"Zombies: Still undead, and suddenly everywhere." It's not news... it's NPR? (npr.org)	(57)
(Thomas Jefferson)		"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." (earlyamerica.com)	(293)
		German bar owner imprisoned for drinking contest that killed a 16-year-old. Bonus: The boy had 45 shots of tequila while the bar owner cheated by pouring himself water (earthtimes.org)	(60)
		Photo radar ends in Livingston Parish after ticket camera van keeps getting ticketed and towed for breaking the law (thenewspaper.com)	(46)
		The Statue of Liberty's crown will open today for the first time since 9/11. However the torch will remain closed as it has been since 1916 when German saboteurs attacked a N.J. pier (mcall.com)	(46)
		Why July 2 is actually Independence Day. Not that historical inaccuracy has ever stopped Americans from getting drunk and bragging about themselves (latimes.com)	(108)
		Joey Chestnut or Takeru Kobayashi? Or perhaps a dark horse. It's your Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest thread (foxnews.com)	(85)
(Some Guy)		19 yr old female motorist is cut off. Does she? C: Ram the other car with her auto. Throw a milkshake at them then drag the passenger from car by her hair and beat her down in front of her husband and 2 children? (nhregister.com)	(122)
		Prisoner No. 1727-054 has hired a consultant to help find the best prison to serve 150 years in. In other news, there's a consultant for everything (foxnews.com)	(78)
		How to make the perfect burger. And people thought NPR was all about tofu and sprouts (npr.org)	(67)
		A rare look on how a Netflix office runs (with video) (tennessean.com)	(91)
		If you've ever wanted to laugh at the misfortune of others completely guilt free, have we got the perfect story for you (abcnews.go.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Why Tennessee's law allowing guns in bars doesn't go far enough: "The real question here is Americans' right to kill others in a setting of their choice" (opednews.com)	(47)
		Awesome starry night over Mt. Rushmore (apod.nasa.gov)	(36)
		Not news: Guy arrested for stuffing bologna down his pants. Fark: For the 120th time (tampabay.com)	(23)
		Desert-lobster dispute turns pair into sagebrush heroes (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(18)
		"Jowi Taylor set out in 1995 to create an object more quintessentially Canadian than hockey, Tim Hortons donuts, insulin, the CN Tower or Lake Louise. Eleven years later, he was able to hold it in his hands" (nationalpost.com)	(24)
		Six national anthems that are farking scary (cracked.com)	(68)
(Redbalcony)		Ok Farkettes, if you ever plan on getting a marriage proposal, do NOT watch this video as it will seem bland in comparison. You have been warned (redbalcony.com)	(264)
		It's definitely not news; it's BBC (news.bbc.co.uk)	(44)
		Saskatchewan town proclaims itself 'Paris of the Prairies', builds Eiffel Tower to prove it. "I thought building a tower would be good challenge, so we started drawing it up based on some photos off the Internet" (theglobeandmail.com)	(24)
(Some American)		Philadelphia, MS, town the film "Mississippi Burning" was based on, swears in first African American mayor (wlbt.com)	(38)
		In Honor of America's Birthday and the French Revolution - Iron Photoshop Ingredients are Red, White and Blue (farm3.static.flickr.com)	(30)
		Not enough dead celebrities? How about a ghost cat for Caturday, BOO scary (stuff.co.nz)	(298)
		No matter how long she's taking, don't leave your bride at the airport because she's been in the bathroom too long (news.com.au)	(46)
		Nothing says "Happy Birthday, America" like a 6-foot, 8-inch statue of Abraham Lincoln carved from a 1,000-pound block of cheddar cheese (myfoxdc.com)	(44)
(Benton County Daily Record)		Neighborhood hit with hail the size of nuts, bolts and marbles. Actually the hail is nuts, bolts and marbles (nwanews.com)	(33)
(WNEM.COM)		Creampuffs and handcuffs, local cops buy and volunteer to run a doughnut shop to keep it from going out of business (wnem.com)	(25)
		Ever wonder what happened to the hero chimps that went into space for NASA in the 1950's? Well they're living the high life, retired in Florida, of course (timesonline.co.uk)	(43)
		Lots of things build character in life. Like resolving fights on the playground, getting dumped by your girlfriend, and getting your head stuck in a storm drain. Wait, what? (myfoxdc.com)	(22)
(The Register Citizen)		This mugshot of the year candidate is brought to you by Torrington, CT, continuing its quest for the title of "The Florida of New England" (registercitizen.com)	(77)
		A downside of having all your bills paid by direct debit is that when you die in your house, no one will notice until 5 years later (thesun.co.uk)	(73)
(Some Guy)		Today's hittable teacher banging an underage male and getting away with it is brought to you by the letters O and C (ocregister.com)	(111)
		Ring ring.... ring ring... banana coffin (azcentral.com)	(75)
		Mr. Atheist, come on down. You're the next convert on The Pious is Right (news.yahoo.com)	(302)

Fri July 03, 2009

(WFIE)	Police find 17 bags of coke in woman's buttcrack, are still searching for a second suspect. He's in there somewhere (14wfie.com)	(56)
	Police say there will be charges, but is it really a crime to enter through the exit door? (boston.com)	(74)
	There are safer ways to remove weeds around your home than by using a flame thrower. Not as fun or effective, but safer (news.yahoo.com)	(74)
	South Carolina serial killer blamed for 4 deaths in the past week (google.com)	(151)
	Photoshop theme: It's a small world (fark.com)	(46)
(Record Courier)	"Startled" kids in arcade get anti-drug lesson as police tase naked 19-year-old who thinks he's the Terminator (recordcourier.com)	(77)
	Warren Buffet gives 30% less this year, donates a paltry $1.25B to Gates Foundation (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(67)
	Tomorrow, the crown of the Statue of Liberty will be open to visitors for the first time since 9/11 (abcnews.go.com)	(96)
(Metromix)	Great news, everyone - investigative reporting finds some strip clubs have pretty decent food (baltimore.metromix.com)	(91)
	Why athletes stick to their lucky underwear. Now, if only someone could explain why subby's lucky underwear sticks to him (news.bbc.co.uk)	(32)
	"Is Facebook an Israeli plot to control the world?" (jpost.com)	(97)
	Calgary's divorce rate jumps 40 percent after the Calgary Stampede. "Thousands of beautiful men and women come out of the woodwork at Stampede and people look incredibly sexy when you put them in a cowboy hat" (upi.com)	(71)
(WAFB)	"Well, I guess this is a swamp, shark that lives in the swamp. You could call it a swamp shark." (wafb.com)	(58)
	Gold's Gym has named July "Cankle Awareness Month" (msnbc.msn.com)	(101)
	Michael Jackson had asked Nadya Suleman about adopting the Octots to offer them a bright future and because "Blanket would love to have more siblings." (telegraph.co.uk)	(61)
	Englishwoman dials emergency hotline to report missing hamster. Dispatcher suggests she call Top Gere instead (dailymail.co.uk)	(48)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)	Investigation into a massive Democratic fraud ring in Pennsylvania's legislature heats up as more than 100 subpoenas flutter through the air like a ticker-tape parade (pittsburghlive.com)	(85)
	Sarah Palin to step down as Alaska governor, possibly prepare for 2012 run for president. This is good news... for Tina Fey (politico.com)	(lots)
(The State)	You think a holiday with your in-laws is uncomfortable, imagine being Gov. Mark Sanford (R-South Adulturerlina) this weekend (thestate.com)	(39)
	How to eat a giant African land snail. If you must (guardian.co.uk)	(55)
	Wisconsin commissions new symbol for state election agency, comes up with one that looks exactly like the anarchy symbol. "Irony is an overused word, but that's somewhat ironic in this case" (jsonline.com)	(52)
	Mattress salesman refuses to take being laid off lying down, gets in pillow fight with boss. Except not with a pillow (tampabay.com)	(19)
	In Canada you can't be held criminally responsible for your actions if you're under 12, which is great news if you're a 9-year-old who wants to burn down an abandoned McDonald's (edmontonjournal.com)	(40)
	For the first time ever, North Korea airs a beer commercial, which notes that the beer "relieves stress and improves health and longevity," as all Farkers can attest (latimes.com)	(51)
	San Antonio SWAT have four hour standoff with empty house (chron.com)	(48)
	The shocking sequel to yesterday's story about former Turnpike employees not paying Turnpike tolls: former subway employees don't have to pay subway fares (bostonherald.com)	(22)
	Union president says its unfair to require all Boston police to abstain from illegal drugs just because of 15 bad apples (boston.com)	(34)
	Hearing examines whether police officer's thyroid problem means he shouldn't be fired for misplacing evidence and not doing his job (edmontonjournal.com)	(18)
	Owner of Chinese buffet chain offers free meals to Canadians on Canada Day to show his gratitude to the country, is immediately accused of violating human rights of non-Canadians (nationalpost.com)	(63)
(Jacksonville Journal-Courier)	You know it's a good party when your underwear ends up on a street sign (myjournalcourier.com)	(18)
	Kenyans furious that Barack Obama won't visit the country where he was born during his trip to Africa (reuters.com)	(184)
	Staples: you've got questions, we've got Michael Jackson's corpse on display next Tuesday (latimes.com)	(106)
(Some Art Critic)	No matter how you try to justify it as art, the police aren't going to be too impressed when your canvas is a $1600 plasma tv at Sears and your subject is your penis (wcpo.com)	(47)
	Pennsylvania bill makes it illegal to implant a microchip into a human being without his or her consent. An amendment is being offered to prohibit alien anal probes as well (philly.com)	(115)
	Turns out that competitive eating leads to weight gain and clogged arteries. Huh. Whoda thunk it? (cnn.com)	(45)
	"Officer, I'd like to report a crime. I was having sex with two women in my pool and a neighbor was, can you believe it, watching" (wbbm780.com)	(82)
	Cabbie uses deodorant to disarm would-be robber (wbbm780.com)	(20)
	Was it wrong to wish I'd nailed Farrah on her deathbed? Should I not have done that? (bostonherald.com)	(62)
	101 year old woman still delivering for Meals on Wheels after 28 years. FARK: Calls women in their 70's 'little old ladies' (myfoxdc.com)	(46)
	When a fish snaps your pole and drags it into the frigid mountain water, just let it go, man, because it's gone (denverpost.com)	(37)
	It's nice to inform people you've recently had contact with that you may have swine flu, but you probably shouldn't do it in person (edmontonsun.com)	(16)
	Study claims often-disputed power of positive thinking is real, but actually makes things worse. Go cry, emo guy (news.com.au)	(78)
	The prosecution would now like to call anyone with access to the internet [citation needed] (theregister.co.uk)	(26)
	I saw a (man)girdle (gizmodo.com)	(24)
	When reporting on tomorrow's annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island, you have to include every hot dog-related pun known to man. It's the law. Wieners (nypost.com)	(24)
	Coolest history lesson on Thomas Jefferson you'll see all day (kalman.blogs.nytimes.com)	(64)
	Did you know the ACLU is suing to remove all cross shaped headstones from national cemetaries, to keep Navy Chaplains from mentioning Jesus to keep Marines from bowing their heads, and to force your daughters to use crescent shaped IUDs? (snopes.com)	(107)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop Zoe's 15 minutes of fame (photos.jpgmag.com)	(33)
	Kansas court issues protection order banning harassement via electromagnetic radiation beamed into plantiff's head. With bonus mind control / gang-stalking whackjob commenters (wired.com)	(28)
	Misplaced period lands man in jail, rather than the more traditional marriage (dailymail.co.uk)	(35)
	One British child under the age of 12 needs hospital treatment every 48 hours for drinking too much. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now (dailymail.co.uk)	(20)
	Police union under fire for writing 102-word sentence in official document, much too difficult to read for a society dumbed down to think in tweets (timesonline.co.uk)	(43)
	The $2.1M Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport - the last King of the Gas Guzzlers ever to be made (wired.com)	(107)
	The costly truth about Canada's health care system (reason.com)	(569)
(WWL)	New Orleans DA: If you have a gun in your car when you're arrested, we're keeping the gun, even if we drop the charges. ACLU: Not so fast, bub (wwl.com)	(130)
(Some Bloke)	"The greatest pleasure I have ever known is when my eyes meet the eyes of a mate over the top of two foaming glasses of beer." Truer words have never been spoken, maaate (theepochtimes.com)	(33)
	News: Rare copy of US Declaration of Independence discovered in national archives. Fark: Of England (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)
(Some Guy)	MySpace now a "digital ghetto" (inquisitr.com)	(210)
	Blind man sees wife for first time after having tooth implanted in his eye. Unfortunately, he also saw himself in the mirror. British dental care FTW (dailymail.co.uk)	(57)
	Boys with unpopular names such as Walter more likely to become criminals than boys with popular names. Reporter Walter Pacheco has the story (orlandosentinel.com)	(63)
	Meet Juliane Koepcke, who nearly 40 years ago fell nearly two MILES without a parachute, survived alone in the rainforest for ten days, and barely had a scratch. TA-DA (cnn.com)	(48)
	Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits goes back to jail, proving once again that every bunny needs some bunny sometime (boston.com)	(21)
	Although it worked for Cinderella, if you're a thief, you should not leave your shoe behind at the scene of the crime (azcentral.com)	(6)
	In celebration of the 4th of July Here's a brief history of OMGBBQ (time.com)	(53)
(Some Guy)	"Bottom line, if people behave properly and don't act like an animal, they won't get tased and end up in a cage" (bradfordera.com)	(53)
	You're upset that a nine-year-old girl had an argument with your daughter. Do you a) have them sit down and talk it out, b) speak to the girl's mother, or c) set her up for dates with middle-aged men on Craigslist? (nypost.com)	(54)
	Meet Sha-lei, the red panda born June 13 at an Edmonton zoo. With adorable pics (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(26)
	Canine do it? You bet I can. A strong attitude helps a little 2 legged dog do anything it wants too (denverpost.com)	(36)
	FBI files reveal Saddam was scared shiat-less of Iran, so he made the whole thing up about having WMDs, and would have formed an alliance with the US. Ooooops (wbbm780.com)	(170)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop what should be on the holodeck (api.ning.com)	(55)
(Some Ida-ho)	Brother and sister arrested and charged with felony incest. But, hey, who hasn't wanted to bang his hot sis...WHOA - KILL IT WITH FIRE (idahostatesman.com)	(181)
	Guinness is offering drinkers the chance to win a trip into space. Towel not included (news.bbc.co.uk)	(55)
	As if six year olds getting diabetes wasn't bad enough, they are now getting schizophrenia (latimes.com)	(152)
	Hey guys, July 3rd. You know what that means. That's right, it's time to fight the Battle of Gettysburg all over again. Except this time, we're going to do it with embedded reporters (wgal.com)	(56)
	If you're a federal judge, you might not want to put that video of a man "cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal" up on your personal web site. Or those pics of a woman shaving her pubic hair either (cnn.com)	(58)
	Hortonville hottie humps a human ... 14-year-old boy. And gets impregnated by him. Again (madison.com)	(103)
	Federal agents seize Bernie Madoff's penthouse and boot his wife out on her ass, refusing to let her take anything with her (news.yahoo.com)	(160)