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Fri January 27, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Sun) Sick Four-year-old girl with cancer has accident at school. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that her teacher was a scumbag about it  (thesun.co.uk) (23)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy According to scientists, some women can store sperm for years. Your mom finds that a little hard to swallow  (huffingtonpost.com) (73)
(LA Times) Dumbass Even with those Nude-O-Scopes, the TSA is still not able to tell the difference between a gun and an insulin pump  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Flying Spaghetti  (eattv.com) (23)
(Fark) FarkParty Northern Kentucky Vegas Warm-Up Party - January 28 - Molly Malone's Irish Pub  (fark.com) (85)
(io9) Obvious If you're ever stranded on a desert island, the one thing you should be sure to have is an abundant supply of breast milk  (io9.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Dumbass What's worse than a casino collapsing during construction? A bus crashing into a news van during the press conference about the casino collapsing. (With Interrupting Bus Video)  (schnittshow.com) (88)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Three adorable bunnies abandoned because they only have two ears between them. And we all know the ears are the most delicious part  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Unlikely Convicted of stealing copper pipes from abandoned building, man offers plausible explanation: "I'm not saying it was ghosts, but...it was ghosts"  (news.cincinnati.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Asinine When your little snowflake loses a toe in an escalator accident, do you C) sue the manufacturer of Crocs?  (ocregister.com) (100)
(Fark) Survey Clear your desks, everybody. It's Friday, time for the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (53)
(Slate) Asinine Why are so many animals in need of adoption? Because holier-than-thou animal rescue groups don't believe anybody is good enough to be a pet owner  (slate.com) (404)
(AP) Hero Since the Iraq War ended there has been little fanfare for the veterans returning home. St. Louis is about to fix all of that  (hosted.ap.org) (80)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this landing bird  (strategypage.com) (28)
(wcnc.com) Hero Uggs banned from school. It's a start  (wcnc.com) (170)
(NJ.com) Strange Irish Anti-Defamation Federation supports the cancellation of the Hoboken St. Patrick's Day parade. In other news, there's an Irish Anti-Defamation Federation  (nj.com) (177)
(Guardian) Interesting Will Egypt's Boobies-revolution parliament make a difference?  (guardian.co.uk) (53)
(CNBC) Unlikely 10 most hated jobs, as compiled by someone who has never worked in a restaurant or school system  (cnbc.com) (216)
(Say Cheese) Fail Man steals security cameras, neglects to steal the recording equipment  (turnto23.com) (29)
(Fark) Advice I have a question about my friend's "gf"  (fark.com) (727)
(The Local (Germany)) Sick I would say that "a sex game spiralled out of control" is quite an understatement when it involves one of the partners being cooked, and scattered around the apartment  (thelocal.de) (88)
(My Fox DC) Florida Girls with big boobs date football players, have more fun, and apparently deserve to live longer  (myfoxdc.com) (659)
(Yahoo) Followup Mentally retarded man fired from a grocery store for "stealing" $0.20 has been offered his job back, though he's not sure he wants to work for the kind of dicks who would fire a retarded man over twenty cents  (news.yahoo.com) (189)
(BBC) Hero American sniper with 255 kills asked if he feels remorse. "When I do go face God there is going to be lots of things I will have to account for, but killing any of those people is not one of them"  (bbc.co.uk) (522)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man who lost rowboat off the Massachusetts coast surprised when Spain calls asking when he'll swing by to come pick it up  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (42)
(Huffington Post) Silly Best animal photobombs you'll see today  (huffingtonpost.com) (43)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You shouldn't transport marijuana in your car. Especially if it's still growing in a pot  (nwfdailynews.com) (18)
(wptv.com) Florida "Your honor, I accidentally beat my wife with a hammer. Then I accidentally doused her with gasoline.... and then I accidentally tossed a lit candle at her"  (wptv.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Sad We know that bacon is the delicious nectar of the gods, but beware of its evil cousin, ham, the silent killer  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Boston.com) Followup NC Death Row Inmate who mega-trolled his hometown newspaper saying, "Kill me if you can suckers" has been outed by his own sister. Guess he'll get an alt and try again  (boston.com) (43)
(The Daily Press) Sad NYC Tfers: If you've seen this kid recently, let the police know. LGT details. Dad is subby's co-worker  (articles.dailypress.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Silly Some folks won't pay $628 to remove a skunk, but then again some folk'll  (uticaod.com) (28)
(Some Guy with an Optigrab) Interesting Bad news: today is the last day you can apply to be an astronaut. Good news: you can use the application as identification when cashing checks for 250 donuts  (wptv.com) (25)
(Boing Boing) Scary Why did the U.S. drop nuclear bombs on Spain?  (boingboing.net) (76)
(Yahoo) Followup Other Somali pirates holding Americans hostage were just a mite rattled by Wednesday's rescue mission  (news.yahoo.com) (99)
(TMZ) Asinine NBC considers pulling stunt from upcoming Fear Factor episode claiming it's in bad taste. Well duh, everybody knows donkey semen tastes like ass  (tmz.com) (149)
(BBC) Followup Costa Concordia owner raises compensation offer to passengers from three used toothpicks to two marbles and a jar of navel lint  (bbc.co.uk) (29)
(WGAL 8) Spiffy Chysler 300C once leased by President Obama now on eBay. He drove it until 2007. That's when he started to run for president and coincidentally traded it in for a Ford Escape hybrid  (wgal.com) (78)
(The Sun) Scary Crazed doctors revive vampire baby. It's even immune to the Sun, which is there  (thesun.co.uk) (18)
(Some Guy) Fail AT&T CEO actually comes out to say AT&T customers, not AT&T execs, must pay for failed T-Mobile merger  (9to5mac.com) (71)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting "I've had sex with 1000 men, and I don't care if people judge me," says woman who apparently has sex with a lot of drunk men  (mirror.co.uk) (164)
(Washington Post) Unlikely Obama proposes all states require students to stay in school until they are 18. Alabama immediately objects, fears overcrowding of 5th and 6th grades  (washingtonpost.com) (233)
(NPR) Obvious Despite what Americans say about wanting more civility from their politicians, they generally only reward rude behavior. My goodness, Americans liking rude behavior. That's just crazy talk  (npr.org) (42)
(Some Guy) Silly Russian officials want to outlaw political protests that use soft toys, plastic penguins, Lego men and South Park figures  (couriermail.com.au) (6)
(USA Today) Scary Ship-bridge collision leaves Kentucky driver with great story for his grandchildren  (usatoday.com) (27)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Revealed at last: from Roald Dahl to Alfred Hitchcock, the stars who told Queen Elizabeth to piss off  (mirror.co.uk) (28)
(Guardian) Amusing Europeans' too honest perceptions of other Europeans. Isn't this how WWI and WWII started?  (guardian.co.uk) (55)
(The Atlantic) Interesting What if D-Day and the Moon Landing Had Failed? What Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon planned to say if tragedy occurred  (theatlantic.com) (59)
(Fox News) Fail It's kind of tough to market yourself as a socialist champion of the people when your 14-year-old daughter is posting bling pictures online  (foxnews.com) (83)
(MSNBC) Asinine Accidental slide deployment delays Virgin Airline flight for several fun-filled hours. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE   (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (9)
(Daily Mail) Followup Joran Van Der Sloot's health deteriorating in new Peruvian prison, still doing better than Natalee Holloway and Stephany Flores  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(The New York Times) Dumbass Iran says they are alone in this world and thus, must preemptively strike their enemies. Just kidding, it was Israel that said it  (nytimes.com) (91)
(Yahoo) Strange It's Dumbolicious : A new taste for eating elephant meat, everything from trunks to sex organs has emerged in Thailand  (news.yahoo.com) (32)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Researchers analyzed DNA remains of 12 thoroughbred stallions born between 1764 and 1930, 330 elite performing modern Thoroughbreds, 40 donkeys and two zebras. And of course Henry the Horse danced the waltz  (myfoxdc.com) (25)
(daily breeze) Fail California students get an F in grade tampering  (dailybreeze.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Interesting If you lost your cat about 200 years ago, good news, someone just found it  (dailymail.co.uk) (29)
(WRCB-TV) Unlikely Major southern university launches statewide obesity initiative to great fanfare, until residents realized they were against it. They can have my porkrinds when they peel them out of my greasy, chubby obese fingers  (wrcbtv.com) (35)
(Bleacher Report) Interesting The Dumbest Super Bowl commercials ever. Wait, this article implies that there have been Super Bowl commercials that weren't dumb  (bleacherreport.com) (58)
(MSNBC) Obvious If Iran didn't already know how to cause serious problems for the US in a future Persian Gulf conflict, they sure as hell do now  (msnbc.msn.com) (128)
(MSNBC) PSA "Bus sized asteroid to give Earth a close shave." It looks younger with the beard  (msnbc.msn.com) (29)
(miami new times) Florida If you're publishing a high school newspaper article about the dangers of STD's, it's probably best to use a commercial stock photo rather than a picture of a former student  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (26)
(CNN) Stupid Twitter believes in limitless free expression and stands by those who risk their lives to fight oppression, and it wants you to remember that while it deletes any of their Tweets that might offend thin-skinned regimes, dictators, or despots  (cnn.com) (27)
(My Fox DC) Stupid "It was more of a political statement ... It's not like they were going to go out and shoot the president," said the cop photographed alongside several teenagers with guns posing next to a bullet-ridden Barack Obama T-shirt  (myfoxdc.com) (125)
(People Magazine) Sad Drew Carey splits with fiancee after a five year engagement. *sad trombone music*  (people.com) (73)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Proof that if you're going to get trapped in a well, it helps to be an 18 month-old baby girl rather than a 53 year-old black guy  (myfoxdc.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Obvious High heels destroy a woman's feet and warp the way she walks. Wow, and here I thought walking on your toes while balancing on a five-inch-high spike was good for you  (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com) (132)
(Some Eye) Photoshop Photoshop this eye of cat  (img.fotocommunity.com) (40)
(CNN) Hero Woman orgasms during MRI... here are the nuclear launch validation codes, and the coordinates for multiple targets, have at it  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (74)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Rare color photos show Hitler's hidden life of luxury in Berlin and Bavaria. Wait until Hitler hears about this  (mirror.co.uk) (48)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Swedish company inadvertently invents ATM for cats  (thelocal.se) (24)
(News.com.au) Dumbass No, you can't dig for buried treasure in the chancel of the church. Not even if it's your church, padre  (news.com.au) (10)
(Breitbart.com) Obvious Don't want to shock you here, but it appears that the new "free" Libya might slightly resemble old "torture" Libya  (breitbart.com) (39)
(WRAL) Asinine Another politician learns the valuable lesson on the difference between the "reply" button and the "reply to all" button  (wral.com) (181)
(BBC) Fail PSA: If you stamp your cocaine shipments with the symbol of the UN in an attempt to get them past customs without inspection, there's a good chance they may get delivered to UN headquarters  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(ABC) Stupid Woman finds $1 million winning lottery ticket in the trash. Naturally, 2 people are suing her  (abcnews.go.com) (96)
(LA Times) Sad Minor altercation escalates when first knife, then gun pulled out. 'Minor' because it was in a 7th-grade class  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (21)
(Daily Mail) Fail Haiti = Fail: 520,000 people remain in squalid camps, many more returned to wrecked homes rather than endure the camps' inhuman conditions, blamed for driving up violence, rape and pedophilia  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(TBO) Florida Next up on Storage Wars.... granny  (www2.tbo.com) (43)
(LA Times) Scary How tough is the real estate market in LA? Well, agents are now using unmanned aerial drones  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (59)
(CBC) Dumbass Of course it's noisy, you bought a home beside a rail yard  (cbc.ca) (105)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Alcatraz fighting tourists trying to break into historic prison in search of fictional room seen in TV show. Bat cave isn't real, morons  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)


Thu January 26, 2012
(Slate) Strange Why the sizes of women's clothing are meaningless and have gone insane  (slate.com) (322)
(WCPO) Dumbass While it might seem logical, it generally isn't acceptable for a day care worker to duct tape a toddler to the floor for nap time  (wcpo.com) (89)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this corn catcher  (msnbcmedia4.msn.com) (33)
(YouTube) Survey What terrible things that you swore you'd never never do have you learned from your parents? Have drugs/therapy helped?  (youtube.com) (260)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Why did the chicken cross the road? LGT inspirational picture  (msnbcmedia4.msn.com) (42)
(BBC) Unlikely FBI "scraps" social network spying program *wink wink, nudge nudge*  (bbc.co.uk) (92)
(Google) PSA In honor of Google's new no opt-out privacy changes, click to check and see what its ad server thinks you are. It thinks I'm a 20-something male, and so do I -Drew  (google.com) (598)
(WFTV) Florida Woman calls 911 six times. Neighbor: "She just wanted cigarettes. That's all she wanted"  (wftv.com) (60)
(RedEye Chicago) Fail Catholic university in Chicago apparently not happy with bizarre, baseball obliterates cartoon moon sports recruitment video they asked for  (redeyechicago.com) (87)
(Houston Chronicle) Sick If you care for an elderly man at a nursing home, one of your most important jobs is to make sure gnats and ants don't crawl up his trachea tube into his larynx  (chron.com) (64)
(Fark) Interesting What if we all just suddenly turned into kangaroos?  (fark.com) (219)
(Some Guy) Asinine Indiana gets jealous of all the attention Kentucky is getting, so their senate approves creationism being taught in science class  (ibj.com) (407)
(wptv.com) Florida Some postal carriers just can't hold their liquor  (wptv.com) (25)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida After you've been busted for injecting Super Glue into women's butts, the next logical career move is to get attacked on-stage by the victims' parents during a taping of a trashy TV show  (sun-sentinel.com) (50)
(Boston Herald) Amusing Overpaid public servant accidentally emails reporter instead of publicist looking for advice on concealing her salary  (bostonherald.com) (79)
(Yahoo) Asinine Not News: The Vatican denounced for "corruption and mismanagement". News: by the Archbishop who used to be in charge of running its finances Fark: and the Pope canned him for speaking up  (news.yahoo.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Weird Crack heads, a stripper who looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Barbie, a bomb, and electrocution in a hot tub by cat. Then things get weird  (bnd.com) (49)
(National Post) Asinine Son of U.S. Transportation Secretary will not be allowed to leave Egypt, according to Egyptian officials hoping to get Seal Team 6's autographs  (news.nationalpost.com) (44)
(Pravda) Interesting Russia unveils fifth-generation Kalashnikov assault rifle  (english.pravda.ru) (113)
(ABC) Dumbass Now THIS is how you troll: NC death row inmate writes letter to his hometown paper describing his "life of leisure" in prison and closing with the line "Kill me if you can suckers. Ha Ha "  (abcnews.go.com) (142)
(Yahoo) Stupid Jon Stewart makes $15 million a year. This means Romney is automatically President and nobody has to listen to the liberal media lecture us on income inequality ever again  (news.yahoo.com) (562)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida The Tampa Bay Lightning mascot fired for inappropriate use of Silly String  (tampabay.com) (42)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Alaska Airlines to stop handing out prayer cards to remind you to kiss your ass goodbye  (consumerist.com) (44)
(Daily Mail) Obvious If your wife beats you up when you come home with a haircut she doesn't like, you have bigger problems than just a bad haircut and an aggressive wife (with pics of what an abused hobbit might look like)  (dailymail.co.uk) (130)
(CNN) Asinine Tensions rise between England and Argentina over territorial disputes of the Falkland Islands. England remains firm on their control of the islands for strategic sheep purposes  (cnn.com) (152)
(International Business Times UK) Amusing You ever have a moment when a rousing political speech seems like it's plucked straight out of a movie?.....Well sometimes it's worth checking  (ibtimes.co.uk) (97)
(Yahoo) Survey So, some woman at the bar claimed to be a back-up singer for SWV in the 90's. She had a few people believing it. What whoppers have you recently encountered?  (yahoo.com) (188)
(Yahoo) Fail Fed Chairman Bernanke thinks we may need another stimulus. This reminds me of that quote about doing something over and over again expecting different results  (finance.yahoo.com) (151)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing German parliament email server defeated by blitz of "reply all"  (thelocal.de) (26)
(USA Today) Hero There comes a point in every man's life where he must finally take a stand against repressive attacks on his liberty. For this man, that happened on United flight 1287  (travel.usatoday.com) (135)
(WGAL 8) Hero Three juveniles knock 65-year-old man off bike, try to rob him. Would-be victim obligingly offers them all the bullets he has  (wgal.com) (196)
(USA Today) Unlikely The CDC would like you to know BIRD FLU IS COMING AND YOU'RE NOT SCARED ENOUGH  (usatoday.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man breaks a window on a campus building, climbs a tree to enter through the second story window, steals a book, then leaps from the second story without injury. If only he hadn't left his backpack with his name on it in the tree  (thestarpress.com) (7)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman arrested for prostitution after $6 sex-act. According to the polic--wait, what sex-act could possibly cost $6?  (shelbystar.com) (127)
(Some Guy) Florida Millions of homes in Florida and this guy had to pick a police officer's to break into. Hilarity ensues. (With "Ow,ow,ow" mugshot goodness)  (news4jax.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Weird Generation X just got back from the rainforest. 46 new species identified including cowboy frog, Crayola katydid, Pac-Man frog, and Conehead grasshopper  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(Fox News) Interesting Memorial service to cap three days of mourning for Joe Paterno at Penn State. Rumor has it that any PSU student not mourning sincerely enough could face harsh penalties, like all 8am classes next semester  (foxnews.com) (148)
(Slate) Unlikely Tired of seeing people wearing their PJ's to the store? If one man had his way, we'd be wearing them all day, everyday, everywhere. Subby just hopes his button-back flannel onesies don't come loose on the subway  (slate.com) (72)
(WTOP) Asinine Because, let's face it: one new handgun a month just isn't enough to adequately protect yourself  (wtop.com) (237)
(CNN) Followup Costa Concordia captain says striking rocks and sinking was a mistake  (cnn.com) (28)
(SLTrib) Scary I know some people can be cranky when they've been woken up, but taking a baseball bat to the person who woke them seems a little extreme  (sltrib.com) (20)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida I ♠ my pets  (sun-sentinel.com) (23)
(Space) Spiffy Remember when "Made in the U.S.A." was a sign of quality? Turns out it still is  (space.com) (58)
(Washington Post) Interesting The tomb of the unknown $12 million  (washingtonpost.com) (25)
(USA Today) Obvious Jimmy Buffett has finally launched his "Margaritaville" online social game, and this USA Today reviewer is quite frankly shocked by the rampant commercialism in it. Commercialism. In Margaritaville. Well, I never  (travel.usatoday.com) (59)
(USA Today) Obvious They told you you'd get over it. Welcome back to Netflix, schmuck  (usatoday.com) (128)
(Yahoo) Followup Military says "Operation Octave Fusion" was necessary because the American hostage had a "life-threatening condition". "Octave Fusion"? Is the guy who names new Gatorade flavors now moonlighting at the Pentagon?  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Strange Man packs up his 22 cats, hauls them down a mountain on a sled, loads them onto a raft that takes him to a car where he drives 250 miles so he can move into his friend's shipping container. Now he wants to find a woman  (adn.com) (40)
(koco) Asinine Student takes photo of sub sleeping in class. School thanks student for pointing this out and takes appropriate action. And by appropriate action, they suspend the student  (koco.com) (116)
(Stuff.co.nz) Dumbass Made for Fark: Man tries to light joint with 9kg propane gas cylinder... In the laundry... with "modified" valve... KABOOM  (stuff.co.nz) (17)
(NYPost) Dumbass If you take a shortcut home by walking through a NYC subway tunnel watch out for litter, tepid water, fast moving trains  (nypost.com) (29)
(CBC) Followup "Let's go around the room. Tell us what you're in prison for." "Rape." "Murder." "Red-light camera theft." "Making faulty tits." "Robbed a ba-- wait, dude, what?"  (cbc.ca) (30)
(Short List) Dumbass Guarding the door during a bank robbery and trying not to shoot yourself in the foot is tougher than it sounds  (shortlist.com) (10)
(Reuters) Weird It's FARK word problem time: If a four-year-old boy pulls nine bags of weed out of his jacket pocket and hands them over to his teacher, how many of those nine bags will make it to the police evidence room?  (reuters.com) (43)
(SeattlePI) Sick Feds believe Washington pharmacies gave used drugs to nursing homes. Man, I hope they at least cleaned the suppositories first  (seattlepi.com) (17)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Illinois lawmakers are being urged to help lower the risks of online dating, presumably by banning use of MySpace photo angles  (chicagotribune.com) (27)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Would you let your teenage daughter sleep with her boyfriend in your home?  (dailymail.co.uk) (260)
(The Daily Beast) Strange Fashion designers have their annual runaway fashiongasm, and the results are...well...um...people actually pay money for this crap? (w/pics of hot women in ugly clothes)  (thedailybeast.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Ever wonder why your grandparents are such staunch Republicans?  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(MSNBC) Interesting There is still an American held hostage in Somali--is there a rescue plan for this person? Let's look at some facts: White? Check. Attractive? Check. Female? NO. Sorry dude, you're on your own  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (39)
(Yahoo) Cool Man challenges 40 friends to spend at least $20 at a local hardware store that has been around since 1857. Things just snowballed from there and the store had their best day in years. This is the way to take back America  (finance.yahoo.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this tense moment  (media.zenfs.com) (46)
(Reuters) Interesting Armie Hammer busted for pot possession. Navie Screwdriver and Coast Gard Wrench look around nervously  (reuters.com) (36)
(Telegraph) Interesting New study claims that regularly eating fried foods does NOT cause heart attacks. Fatties rejoice, immediately stampede to Denny's  (telegraph.co.uk) (19)
(Some Guy) Obvious $600,000 later, doctors discover the cause of mysterious Morgellons Disease: It's all in your mind. Still no cure for cancer  (abclocal.go.com) (71)
(NYPost) Amusing Today's HS art teacher banging the daylights out of her students after plying them with pot and alcohol brought to you by NYC (w/you'd spank her with your paint brush too pic)  (nypost.com) (40)
(AZCentral) Dumbass New flash: Wyoming takes donut theft very seriously  (azcentral.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Dumbass In a shocking turn of events, public officials determine that God is a lousy babysitter  (citizensvoice.com) (16)
(Yahoo) Obvious George Bush blows up building in Rio  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this view of caffeine and acid  (psdgraphics.com) (44)
(Asheville Citizen Times) Dumbass You know that cellphone I stole from your car? I'll sell it back to you. Also, do you wanna buy some weed?  (citizen-times.com) (7)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Republication of 'Mein Kampf' stopped in Germany. Wait until Hitler hears about this. Fark: Due to copyright  (thelocal.de) (58)
(Gawker) Interesting Black market IT  (gawker.com) (64)
(Boston.com) Fail Forget farking and fracking, focus on fear of FERC  (boston.com) (14)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man accused of taking upskirt photos at Wal Mart. Or should that be "upmuumuu"?   (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (33)
(UPI) Asinine Need government help with that deadbeat ex-husband of yours not paying child support? Yep, there's a fee for that  (upi.com) (14)
(Herald-Leader) Amusing Penguin defecates on state senate floor. It passed unanimously after being mistaken for a $43 million subsidy for a creationist theme park  (kentucky.com) (31)
(Telegraph) Scary A dingo ate my prime minister  (telegraph.co.uk) (28)
(TC Palm) Florida If you commit a felony burglary, you might as well go big and swipe just the most expensive stuff. You know, the snack food and maybe a couple of straws  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (2)
(Yahoo) Amusing Birdman is going to place a bigger bet on the Super Bowl than you'll make in your life. Leaves subby stuntin' like his daddy  (sports.yahoo.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Weird There's everyday green, then there's "capital G Green," and then there's "your energy-efficient windows are melting your neighbor's Prius" Green  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (98)
(Fark) Survey How are you doing on your New Year's resolutions?  (fark.com) (127)
(WTOP) Spiffy Pregnant woman's water breaks on lawn outside the hospital; doctors and nurses come to the fescue and deliver baby  (wtop.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Sad For the first time ever a Snowy Owl migrates to Hawaii. Avada Kedavra   (hawaii.land.blogs.civilbeat.com) (64)
(The New York Times) Sad Grieving could be added to a list of legitimate medical disorders. You'll get over it (with the help of these pills)  (nytimes.com) (72)
(The Sun) Sick Girl eats nothing but McDonald's chicken nuggets for 15 years, lives  (thesun.co.uk) (196)
(Some Guy) Strange Woman On Run After Bank Robbery. Police describe her as tough and ruthless. Wait. Correct that. Police describe her as rough and toothless  (wtae.com) (38)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 351: "Stoned". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (196)

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